when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
