Moan for me like Helen Keller
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
