they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
