I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
