I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
