RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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