you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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