I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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