his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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