I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Rumble strips road head = magical
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
