they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
