There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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