oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
