im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
