You work out of a Hotel?
I can text with my tongue
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
