i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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