Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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