I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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