I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
third nipple confirmed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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