just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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