This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
