i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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