I hate all girls vehemently.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
