SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
