I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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