he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize