Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
