after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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