he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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