I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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