just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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