The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
