Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize