We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
