Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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