I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
