Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im part way to drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
