that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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