too bad you live with your parents still
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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