also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
