all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
