trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
