The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
