Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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