glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
