i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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