halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
