I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
