why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
