This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
