Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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