If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
