Don't make out with my wife yet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
