he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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