Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
