I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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