I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
