He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
