I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
