I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
smell my finger.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm gonna fight the coyote
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
