Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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