just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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