You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
