in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
