i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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