I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
